Room Without a Door
by ice-woman
Summary: A Grace and Dimitri story...there won't be much interaction from the other characters, because Grace is staying behind while they move to Sydney. Some Jessie/Katie in the future. r/r!
1. The Meaning's in the Syntax

_Room Without a Door_  
**Chapter One: The Meaning's in the Syntax**

xXx

They never did suspend his teaching license. Perhaps what my mom said at the end of the meeting stuck. Perhaps they realized that I was eighteen, so really this matter wasn't as illegal as they thought. Perhaps they decided he was such a good teacher that they ought to give him the benefit of a doubt. After all, they never caught us doing anything wrong. It was Alexa's word versus our word, and I was certain Alexa had a thing for Mr. Dimitri anyway. Still, he never did return to school.

It was April by that point and spring break was beginning. Jessie was all excited with plans to see Katie. It wasn't fair. Katie slept over every night. It must be nice to be able to soak in all of the time in the world with the person you most cared about. Jessie always got everything she wanted. I knew it was selfish of me, but it made me sick most days. I was miserable and I couldn't tolerate her happiness.

What made everything truly unbearable was the silence from Eli. He never spoke to me anymore. I knew he was still doing drugs. It wasn't a huge issue to me, but I knew mom and Rick would never agree with me there. Still, the silence was deafening. Jessie claimed not to notice, but I knew she did. She was just being the nice Jessie she always was. Again, it was sickening.

Rick couldn't look me in the eye either. It was as if he was embarrassed by me or wasn't quite sure how to talk to me now. They were all so sure I was seduced by Mr. Dimitri. They'd never believe I had been the one doing the seducing. They'd never believe that he was the one who said no. They'd never believe another word I said. Of that, I was sure.

My mom was too cheery. She acted as if nothing had happened, which just made it more apparent that something had happened. Zoe knew something had happened, and she knew it involved me. I kept my lips shut. My mom did, too.

My dad hadn't seen me since the incident at the school. He picked Zoe up for ice cream last week, when I conveniently had a senior meeting after school. He claimed he was busy. I knew he was lying.

No one had any clue how to approach me. It was tiring. I wanted to scream at them all. I wanted them to understand I was still Grace. In fact, I was even more myself than I had been in a long time. I still had never had sex. What more did they expect from me?

I wrote more now than ever in my journal. I wrote about everything. I changed the ending to the short story August had been helping me with. I never submitted it anywhere, but I mailed the entire piece to him. It belonged to him anyway. It felt right.

I'd just finished another piece, though I was undecided about what to do with it. He never responded to my first one, but he wasn't in trouble anymore. I knew he'd never forgive me if I showed up there, so I figured it'd be best to just mail it. This newest piece, however, was quite personal to me, and somehow the thought of him reading it made me nervous. I almost let my mom read it, she used to love reading my stories, but I thought better of it. She'd read too far into every word. It would just cause a fight.

Instead, I wrote him a letter. It wasn't exactly an apology, but rather a description of what I had been going through these past couple of weeks. I didn't see how there could be any problems with me just mailing him a letter, after all, he was no longer my teacher. I knew he wouldn't quite see the situation the same way, but I had hoped that maybe if I wrote to him and explained what I was feeling more clearly, he might understand. He was the only person I knew _could_ understand.

_Mr. Dimitri_

_August,_

_I'm sorry...was that too forward? It seems funny now after what we've been through to call you anything but August. Somehow it just fits much better. I know you may not want to hear from me. I know I cost you a lot more than just a suspension. For that, I'm truly sorry, I hope you know that. I just...I had some words left to get out, and I'm not sure who else to direct them towards._

_I know I'm not supposed to use names, but subtlety isn't exactly my strong point right now. I hope you don't mind too much._

_I realized a few weeks ago when Eli stopped talking to me, that he used to be my best friend. I never knew it at the time, but it was partially true. I used to laugh with him the way I watch people laugh with their friends and I used to joke around and just allow myself to be relaxed with him. I watched as Jessie and her girlfriend made the transition from friends to more than friends and suddenly, I realized that Eli had never been my best friend. Sure, I could laugh with him and play pranks on Jessie. Sure, I thought we had an awkward tension between us, but then I realized, this tension hadn't ever really existed. We were two people thrown into an uncomfortable situation and we both let our heads get the best of us. I never loved Eli. Eli loved himself. He never even came to my play, not even after I begged him, too. I was just using him as a supplement for what was missing in my life._

_I understand why my parents did what they did. I certainly see why the school board investigated into our situation. I even oddly understand why Alexa felt compelled to create such a debacle. Alexa's a lonely, bitter girl and she hates to think she's not at the center of any drama. It all makes rational sense to me. _

_When you said that we couldn't be together, I accepted it. I didn't particularly agree with your decision, but I understood why you made it. I understand everything that everyone does, and yet, no one ever takes the time to try and understand anything about me._

_Except you, of course, but that should go without mention. Perhaps I sound like a stubborn girl who hasn't gotten her way. Okay, I'll grant you that much. But, I'm not sitting here wallowing in regret because we were caught. Because, when you think about it, we weren't doing anything wrong, at least, not yet._

_No one in my house is talking to me, at least, not the way they used to. It's such a lonely place to be right now. And, the heart of the matter is, I'm not upset anymore that they won't let us be together. I'm not mad that you don't love me. I'm not even hurt by this._

_What kills me is that they had to take my best friend away, too. What makes enjoying life impossible is knowing that I lost much more than a teacher and some silly crush, I lost the person who knew me best._

_Whether you wanted to be or not, you were that person. And now, it's just hard to figure out where to go from here, because how can I ask anyone else for advice? Who else can I turn to?_

_There's no one. No one ever knew me, except you._

_Sincerely,_

_Love,_

_From,_

_Grace_

I dropped it off at his house myself. His car wasn't anywhere in sight. I went to put it in his mailbox, but I knew he'd already know I hadn't mailed it. There was no stamp. I thought it would be a safer bet to just slide it under his side door.

That was two weeks ago. Two weeks I hoped that maybe he would change his mind. Maybe he would forgive me. Maybe he would at least let me talk to him again.

I'd nearly given up hope when I received a letter in the mail from the Chicago Young Author's Associated Press. I tore into it, my heart beating. Had he submitted my story. I read the letter eagerly.

Dear Ms. Manning,

On behalf of the Chicago Young Author's Associated Press, we would like to thank you for the submission of your short story. At this time, we have no need to publish it, but would like to encourage you to keep trying. We appreciate your enthusiasm and look forward to hearing from you again soon.

Sincerely,

CYAAP.

"Aw, honey, maybe next time," my mom consoled me, rubbing my shoulder. She'd read the letter from behind me. I'd felt her presence while I was reading. I wasn't quite upset though, instead I was trying to decipher why someone had underlined certain letters by hand. Then, it hit me.

I ran to my room and grabbed a pen from my bookbag. I quickly scribbled down every underlined letter that I could find. Now, my letter looked like this.

g, comeseeme- A.

He was telling me to come see him. I was giddy by his clever tactics. He must have submitted my story and used his address. Then he'd opened the letter and lightly underlined each letter until he was able to write me a message. It was so ingenious. He knew my parents might be going through my mail, on the alert for anything suspicious from him. He'd thought of everything.

xXx


	2. The Charms of Naivety and Timeliness

Room Without a Door  
**Chapter Two: The Charms of Naivety and Timeliness**

xXx

The meeting was relatively harmless. Since I'd only barely stretched past the lines between student-teacher relationships, they were quite lenient. They were apt to believe that nothing that couldn't be dismissed as innocent and harmless had happened between Grace and I. When the question of sex arose, I all but laughed at them. Grace had denied this allegation, too. She was right about one thing; they'd believed we'd done everything that I had denied Grace. I may not have been firm and clear, but I had drawn lines. I set boundaries. Grace knew that. I was certain she knew.

After convincing the board that this was the only situation they needed to be aware of, they allowed me to continue teaching at my earliest convenience, provided I take the rest of the school year off. What a shock, Grace would be graduating at the end of the year. I knew I would never teach her again. It wasn't unexpected, but the punishment of not seeing her everyday was a bit more surprising.

What I had done, I had vowed to never do. I'd broken one of my own laws and for that I was ashamed. But the fact that I missed her so intensely, struck a cord from within me. Perhaps Grace was right again. Perhaps we were something more than just...well, whatever it is that we were. Perhaps I cared about her a little more than I wanted to admit.

Of course, this changed nothing. We could never be together, and she knew that as well as I.

I was fully prepared when I received her story in the mail, and I did exactly what I vowed I would do. I did not read it, but merely passed it on to a youth magazine that took story submissions. I hadn't expected an immediate reply, but the day the magazine declined her story was the same day I'd received her letter.

I'd tried to push her words out of my mind. I found this task almost impossible. I was deeply touched by all she had written, and well, it was nearly May, and I wasn't her teacher any longer. If she wanted to come see me, I figured she ought to have that choice. She was eighteen and under no jurisdiction not to visit me. It would be frowned upon certainly, but if I knew Grace, she'd be sure no one would find out.

I'd been hired by the local community college to teach a few online english courses. The work was completely different than what I was used to, because I liked interacting with my students. But, it was a steady paycheck and no one could accuse me of inappropriate behavior via the internet. It wasn't my ideal job, but it was something.

Often I've thought about the nature of names and whether they really ever can define a person. But, Grace...she could possess no other name. The very essence of the word itself encapsulates her and sets her apart from any other female I've known. It was haunting how accurate the name suited her, while some of us were taunted mercilessly by antique, out-of-date names like August. But, Grace, her name was perfect.

Her timing, however, could use a bit of work.

xXx

The next chapter's much longer...these past two were mainly establishing background information from both of them. R/R!


End file.
